Classes are ending. The semester is almost over. It really did go fast, but at the same time it feels like I haven´t been home in years. I'm excited to go home, but there are many things I will miss about Madrid: the city, Spanish food, the amazing friends I have made here (both Spanish and American). And some of the professors. Okay, just one professor.
Emilio Peral Vega, known to most as simply Emilio.
He's my Contemporary Spanish Theater professor. I wasn't especially looking forward to this class as I'm not usually one for Spanish literature, but my opinion of the class changed in the first few minutes of it. Emilio is pure genius, and he knows it (and has 20+ published books about theater to prove it). He told us straight out that he is very opinionated, and he has never held back any opinion. On anything. If you weren't sure how you felt about something from a work of theater to Sandra Bullock's most recent Oscar dress, Emilio will help you decide. Still think Madonna is the reigning queen of pop? Wrong. Kylie Minogue has since taken her place on the throne. And Lady Gaga is just an imitation of the two, so don't even go there. Do you support American right-wing politicians? Make this known to Emilio and prepare to be singled out in class on a regular basis. He is the self-described opposite of George W. Bush, who according to him is ugly, boring, homophobic, anti-liberal, and stupid. Emilio and I get along quite well. If you're wondering what the opposite of Dubya looks like, he's on the right: http://www.flickr.com/photos/ccblanquerna/5224005018/in/set-72157625381809299/ (Maybe slightly creepy of me to google him but you need an image in your head.)
I know all this makes him sound like an insufferable know-it-all who is closed to others' ideas, but the reality is he makes you think and defend your ideas, and he is just so flipping sassy you can't help but love him / become obsessed with him. He has our class in tears of laughter (TEARS) on a daily basis, and somehow, magically, can turn a twenty-minute rant about the fashion choices of American divas into a helpful explanation of a contemporary theatrical concept. Oh, and speaking of fashion, Marc Jacobs is the only worthwhile American designer. Period.
He is also incredibly quotable. My classmates and I have taken to writing down things he says in class and often using them in daily conversation. He has a tendency to use certain English phrases (the class is taught in Spanish) that are delivered with such hilarity and accent that I could never say them in the usual way again. I shall now list for you some Emilioisms and quotes.
--"Oh my god." (Oh my GOT).
--"I kidding." (I keeding) Oh, he's a jokester, that Emilio. Except often when he says "I kidding," he's probably not. Conversely, once in a while he will tell us "I not kidding." For example: "Yo tampoco sería monja si estuviera casado con Javier Bardem. I not kidding." ("I wouldn't be a nun either if I were married to Javier Bardem." This was said when he was explaining that Penelope Cruz is not actually a nun, that she just plays one in the movie Todo sobre mi madre) I would have to agree with him here.
--"Wichita." (Weecheetah) Always said with a look and gesture of pure disgust. Wichita has become the official example a craptastic town that no one would ever live in because it is completely devoid of culture and life. One day I asked Emilio if he had ever been to Wichita. "No," he said with a grin. When my buen amigo and fellow Loyolan, Danny, worked "Wichita" into his and his partner Catherine's presentation, Emilio let out a high-pitched laugh and fell over. They hadn't even gotten to the Kylie Minogue dance numbers yet.
--"I love you." (I lahve yoo) I can't remember exactly why or how many times he's said this and to whom, but I'm sure he meant it.
--"I hate you. I not kidding." Don't think you can walk into class late without Emilio noticing.
--"¿Qué es el amor? ¿Tiene pelo rubio, con ojos azules y un dick de *este* tamaño?" ("What is love? Does it have blonde hair and blue eyes and a dick *this* big?) Hey, I'm just quoting here. The entire class just about died when he said this, but would you believe it, he was actually asking the class a very pertinent question to the play we were reading, Los intereses creados. He also asked the class if we believed in love. I was stupid enough to answer. I received a smug grin but was asked to defend my answer. Emilio will question you, but not because he thinks you're wrong, necessarily. I love professors that make you think seriously about things and defend your position.
--"Madonna era la reina de pop. ERA." ("Madonna was the queen of pop. WAS.") Just so you know.
-- (translated) "Thousands of Spanish linguists without jobs and the one phrase most heard in Madrid is GRAMMATICALLY INCORRECT." <-- He's referring to the voiceover on the metro: "Tengan cuidado para no introducir el pie entre coche y anden." "Para" should be "de." Considering he's a grammar nazi, grading our grammatically atrocious essays must be some form of torture for him.
--"CHANEL! CHANEL!" *stomps foot* The whole class really let him down when we couldn't name the designer of the suit a character was wearing in a movie we watched. I'M SORRY EMILIO, I'LL DO BETTER.
--"He's a REAL MAN." One day Danny wore a t-shirt that said "Real Men Run," which was from a fundraiser for St. Jude's Hospital. He can never wear this shirt in class again.
--"Son geniales." ("They're awesome.") Ok, he said this just to me and it's not funny or anything, but I find it significant. Abby wore my black patent heels for our presentation. As we were leaving class I was putting them in a bag to take home, and Emilio asked whose they were. I told him they were mine and he approved. MY SHOES have the Emilio Stamp of Approval. I should wear them EVERY DAY.
Also, previously mentioned friend Danny has a weird connection with Emilio. It really started from Day 1 of class when Emilio used Danny as an example by asking him some more-than-slightly-awkward questions. Since then there have been a series of coincidences and exchanges that are fairly mind-blowing:
Conversation in class, talking about different neighborhoods of Madrid and the various social classes that inhabit them:
Emilio: Danny, ¿dónde vives? (Where do you live?)
Danny: En Argüelles.
Emilio: Oh, yo vivo en Argüelles tambien! ¿En que calle? (Oh, I live in Arguelles too! On which street?)
Danny: (tells him name of street)
Emilio: (in English) Oh... Oh... We are neighbors.
Turns out Emilio lives on the cross street. Of course he does.
Even when Danny's not in Spain, Emilio is nearby:
Emilio: Voy este fin de semana a Londres para ver Kylie. (I'm going to London this weekend to see Kylie.)
Danny: Espera... tú vas a Londres este finde? (Wait... you're going to London this weekend?)
Emilio: Sí... (Yes...)
Danny: YO voy a Londres este finde. (I'M going to London this weekend.)
They do have differing opinions on Halloween costumes, however. This is what we learned when Emilio asked the class about some of our past Halloween costumes.
Danny: Cuando tenía 5 años yo era un Power Ranger. (When I was 5 I was a Power Ranger.)
Emilio: ¿...Puedo decir algo? ¿Está bien contigo si digo algo? (...Can I say something? Is it ok with you if I say something?)
Danny: Sí. (Yes. --how could he say no?)
Emilio: No hay un show MÁS GAY que Power Rangers. (There is no show MORE GAY than Power Rangers.)
He's got a point, what with the tight costumes and choreographed battle scenes.
It is safe to say I am jealous of their connection. Emilio also gave Danny some recommendations on where to buy a nice suit in Madrid. You see, Emilio is probably the most stylish person I have ever met. Which brings me to my next Emilio opinion:
Wedding dresses are hideous. Women should NEVER wear white. They look much better in black. A friend of his once asked him to come wedding dress shopping with her, however, she knew better than to ask his real opinion. According to him, he was the best dressed one at the wedding in his new Armani suit.
He also claims he could wear the Valentino dress Gwyneth Paltrow wore to the Oscars better than Gwyneth Paltrow, due to the concave nature of her chest. Same goes for Sandra Bullock and her apparently atrocious posture. And you know what? I bet he would look great in a Valentino.
Another fun Emilio fact: He aspires to be a vampire, and is, in fact, immortal.
Probably most importantly, he loves Chicago. As he should. He said he has friends that live in Ann Arbor, Michigan, and when he visits them he has to take a trip down to Chicago because, according to him, Ann Arbor is nice but after three days you start to go crazy. So he takes the Amtrak down, swearing that he is so jostled in our janky American trains that when he arrives in the Windy City he can't actually walk straight. He told the class about a very good coffee shop in Boystown ("The 'gay' neighborhood. They've obviously never been to Chueca.") that has a name like Xanadu or something and is across from a library. If you know what he is talking about PLEASE let me know because Abby, Danny, and I ARE GOING.
We asked him if he would be coming back to Chicago. He told us he would in the future. "No, Emilio, you don't understand. WHEN are you coming to Chicago?" He tried to use the excuse of Spain's economic crisis, but if he can afford an Armani suit he can afford a plane ticket to Chicago, especially when he's got a free place to stay and someone who will gladly cook for him, so he doesn't have to purchase "expensive, tiny bottles" of olive oil in our supermarkets.
You see, we're going to go into withdrawals very soon after leaving him.
*EDIT* I did some audio recordings in class today. I documented some fantastic things that surely need to be shared.
*ANOTHER EDIT* On Thursday night our class is going out for dinner and drinks with Emilio. OH MY GOT. I am wearing my heels.
*YET ANOTHER Emilio Update* I recorded this in class. You won't understand it if you don't speak Spanish. I will translate... later. If I remember. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0fG2eNnnnpk It has to do with how all the employees at Kenneth Cole in Chicago are super attractive.
